So I consumed a little alochol and drunk dialed Eric. I was not drunk but I had a very good buzz, just enough to give me so balls. I came out and said basically 'wtf is going on' it was another one of those am I ever moving out to FL or not conversations. And the other conversations like these have never turned out well so you can imagine how much I was looking forward to do this all once again.

He said he was not sure if he wanted me to move out there or not. I said after dating for freaking 3.5 yrs that his highness should know. He said he was not sure bla bla bla. There was more dialouge but who cares about the small stuff. So he said Okay I will tell you tommorow. Fine, fine, fine. I can wait that long.

Sun. 21rst saw Alonso at Tempe improv w/Anna and Kieta. He was on the last Comic Standing and he won on the season three. One of his first jokes was that he had won season three but they didn't air it once they found out a black man won. He delivers all of his jokes very well so the entire time we were just busting lots of guts.

I just feel these lyrics really well lately. I am on a big Kelly kick right now. I love "Since You Been Gone" too.

Kelly Clarkson - "Behind These Hazel Eyes"

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on


Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes


I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on


Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes


Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes


Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I

I feel like I should post something but I dont know what to post. I can not think on the spot with Kai sitting on me as I type looking super adorable and purring. Little furry bastard.

Monday.

Eric called me today after our two weeks of not speaking to figure things out. I am not surprised because I just knew that is what he was going to say but I still just do not believe it. He actually said that he thinks it should end since it seems like it will not work in the long run.


I broke my cheap photo frame with eric's pictures in it. It made it a very small amount better. I am putting all of his pictures in a box so I will not stumble across them on accident. That helped.

Blah, Boys Suck.

Monday

I worked my normal 6-12 am shift and was supposed to work Bre's 12-2 for her but Christy a supervisor said that it wasn't busy and sent me home at noon. So I went to staples and bought a folder to put my resume in and changed. I went to University of Phoenix for an expo to interview for a finacial aid postition. They told me I would get an email and to respond within 24hrs. It's now Friday and I never got any email so I called the woman in charge of Finacial Admissions and left a message. I suck. Nothing ever works for me. I never get the jobs I fucking want and need. I hate me.

Thursday

Eric had a half day at work and then he drove us down to Orange County. I asked him how long the drive would be "Four or Five hours right?" He just kind of shrugged and didn't really agree or disagree. Well because the freaking drive was more like seven hours. It was so boring. It's retarded. I don't know how we're still dating half of the time. It's like I have nothing to say and he never starts any conversations on his own ever. EVER. So it's just like um seven hours of freaking nothing but listening to the radio. It's retarded. I fucking hate being stuck in the car for long periods of time to begin with let alone with somebody who does not fucking talk. I hate driving with him. Ugh. Boy suck. I need to learn the art of lesbian sex. Lol like it's so hard but apparently men have so much trouble learning the art.