I always get the impression that when men start to feel emotional attachment they pull away. If they feel smothered or like women are getting emotionally attached, they pull away. If we play their game and are distant, hard to get we keep them. They chase us like dogs in heat and are always begging for more. The second we beg for more they are repelled. It is so enraging. This is when I get angry that I am a woman. I am woman with sexual needs and it is fucking taboo to have these needs. It is not playing their god damn game the way they designed it. I did not purchase these cheat codes, I was given these as a gift and when properly used they are AMAZING.

The game is easy, I can play their stupid fucking game. However, if I play at the rate they do, I will need five guys in the rotation MINIUMUM. Contrary to belief, women are more sexual because we either enjoy it so much and are able to have sex longer and more frequent or we seek sex as validation. Unfortunately women normally seek validation more than men, so either way you look at it. Women are secretly (maybe, not so secretly?) giant horn dogs. The really smart ones keep their mouths shut. Guys don't want to know we've had sex with other people, they want to be in denial of this fact. The fact that his dick slides so easily in your ass is not because you are a pro, no it's because you have abnormally large dumps. Right...

Yet women are the truly sad ones, we intentionally put ourselves through this mess. We either wait to have sex with a man because once you hand out the pop-sicles for free nobody will buy the ice-cream truck. Or we are so worried that if we hold out too long he will stray and find another woman to fit the bill. Either way we are prudes or whores. Men on the other hand are seen as gods. If they are good at going down on women and have longevity in the bedroom they are seen as Gods. Women good at blow jobs are seen as whores for practicing too much and having the ability to get over their gag reflex. Their inability to orgasm right away is not because you suck in the bedroom, oh no, it's because they have a really small hood and are "too hard to get off." While a man that prolongs his orgasm is seen as a master. FUCK it. We live in a society where we are all not having our needs met because we are too focused on what other people think and how we think we are supposed to "think" and "perceive."

My wishlist - a man who is....

1. Knows who he is and what he stands for
2. Emotionally intelligent enough to seek to truly understand
3. Is patient enough to listen but has the balls to call me out
4. Will not accept anything but my best or his best
5. Is willing to receive feedback openly and be open to grow; sees value in it
6. Trusts his instincts and is confident enough to allow me to trust mine
7. Is open minded to spirituality and the human spirit
8. Has a beautiful and compassionate soul
9. Understands me in a way that is true, settling and like no other; he is my best friend and confidant
10. His beauty does not stop at his soul, it extends to his rugged exterior
11. Understands that life about the journey, not the destination; he learns from his life experiences and appreciates what I learn from mine

Facebook is taking over one obsessed internet nerd at a time

Who decided that in 2010 Facebook was the best way to spread the word about everything? Who dictated that this was the more efficient best way to go? Instead of sending an email invite, calling, texting, sending a snail mail invite people are using Facebook...seriously?

Next thing you know nobody will bother to call, text, email or write. Instead we will be required to read everybodys' "Tweets" in order to know what is going on in their lives. It was bad enough when people relied on "Blogs" as the only way to converse. However that was for only the truly dedicated nerdy computer go-ers. Now adays Facebook is the fad that seems to be sticking, therefore practically everybody uses it. Even your mother, father and your great aunt Sally Facebook their latest vacations and family photo ops. Don't get me wrong, Facebook is an excellent way to stalk out people from high school. I mean obviously you do not truly care about these people since it has been ten years since you spoke, but why not find out how many kids they have and how spouse's deep they are? Obviously that information is pertinent to our well being.

Wow, so where to begin. I totally went crazy with booking dates this week.

I had a date Wed. night which went well with Roger. Very fun quirky guy. Thu. was Joaquin and he is very cool. Friday was with New Randy which was a second date. That was fun but I had to call it in early due to exhaustion from work & staying-up late. Sat. evening was Wyatt and that too was fun. I have a second date planned already with Roger next Wed. for movie and a bar. Sat. night at Rula Bula I was in the bathroom and ran into my co-worker Brianna. Ha, small town. I told her I was on my date so she ever so discreetly walked by to check him out. It got really loud inside so we walked around outside for awhile then Wyatt left because he had prior engagements. I then texted Brianna and met up with her back at Rula Bula. Now I had to pay a two dollar cover since I had left, lol. Whatevs as Bri puts it.

At Rula Bula Bri announced she had seen other people we work with for birthday. So I walked around to locate them and asked if we could join and they said cool. So we met up with them outside. It started to rain more so we went inside. Whilst inside a woman started a conversation with me and introduced me to the two men she was with. While in their company I realized one of them was totally cute with a great smile. We started talking and we made each other laugh a lot. He joked that he peddled on the street, I joked that it was I spend my Sunday evenings doing because that's where the $ is. I explained I fashioned a shirt stuffed under my clothes to appear pregnant to get additional money. He mentioned that he would assist me on these endeavours by dressing like a dirty bum ahead of me to encourage the passerbys to give me more money because when you compare the two I was in more need still. Also in case things got hairy he would be my back-up support. Meanwhile the woman who's name was Leyla kept interjecting how beautiful and cool I was. She kept petting my head explaining she LOVED my hair-cut. I received the most hugs I have ever received in my life that evening. It was CrAzY. I continued my conversation with Jesse and checked in with Bri periodically. Bri suggested I be careful because I may fall into a foursome with the two guys and the cougar. Ha, I explained this rundown to Jesse and his friend Cory. They laughed emphatically that they could see where we may get that impression however that is far from the truth. They explained to me how they met and it was a good time. Then Bri and the crew decided to migrate to another bar. Jesse and I had already explained we were both single, he's a Leo and I am a Sagg, so I gave a rundown of what that meant. Lol. He inquired. I advised him that he should ask for my number, he did. Now I am that girl waiting a phone call. Ha, I hate that! Oh well. It was fun.

Funeral Music

"And I love her," The Beatles

"Stairway to heaven," Led Zepplin

"Bohemian Rhapsody," Queen

"Don't dream it's over," Crowded House

"Don't fear the reaper," Blue Oyster Cult

"Simple Man," Lynard Synard

"Spirit in the sky," Norman Greenbaum

"Imagine" A Perfect Circle

"Hurt" NIN

"Just like you imagined" NIN

"I will follow you into the dark" Death Cab for Cutie

TOP 10 Most Unusual
“The Show Must Go On,” Queen
“Highway to Hell,” AC/DC
“Another One Bites the Dust,” Queen
5. “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead,” Bon Jovi
6. “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” Monty Python
7. “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead,” The Wizard of Oz
8. “Hit the Road Jack,” Willie Nelson
9. “I’m Too Sexy,” Right Said Fred
10. “Power,” Crows and Australian Football League team songs

Conversations with the dead

11.21.09 posting - I spoke to Mel briefly - her sister Julie died 2 days ago (11.19.09) from a herione overdose. She was in a recovery house and her stupid bf sold her a bag and she OD.

I remember a conversation with Julie a few years ago just before her wedding - it was Julie and her mother Nancy tried to find-out if I knew anything about Melanie. We could all see that she was a mess, she'd lost a lot of weight and was not herself. I told them both I did not have any clue - other than drinking - the typical college party girl I did not know of anything. Julie and Nancy expressed that I was still really good friends with Mel even across the country and over the large number of years. They encouraged me to stay in touch with her and let them know if I noticed anything. Julie gave me her email address and told me to notify her if I heard anything that gave any indication about her state of mind.

Who would know that a few years later both girls would be entagled in a series of lies to their friends and family and worse yet- one would die. The only positive thing that is going to come from this is that Mel's family will ensure to stay close to Mel and keep an eye on her every move. Mel just got out of rehab for using herione and now swears she will never touch alochol or drugs ago. I know that if she is truly an addict it will take more than the demise of a family member to stay clean but however disheartening the situations is - it is a wake-up call to Mel.

It's really hard for me - I feel like a terrible friend because over the last few years Mel and I have really lost touch. I had conversing over the phone because it's always really hard to hear her and the drama is epic. There is always some new fucked-up thing happening in her life and it is so challenging for me when I cannot actually do anything about it.

It sounds selfish but I get dragged into it and it's a lot to handle. I don't know how to help and it's hard. It's a double edged sword - if I KIT all of the time and something terrible happens I will think what could I have done differently to help?! If I stay clear & something happens then it's why didn't I help? It's daunting either way so apparently I have just choice avoidance behavior.

Good thing for me has come out of it - I got in touch with Mel finally and I emailed sperm donor back from an email a very long time ago. I also will finally try calling the brother once I am better composed.

Title

31 flavors

Flavor of the evening - "Bunny Delight"

I would say that during sex you can definately commit crimes against the opposite sex than may never come back from. One of those crimes against women in particular is what is commonly referred to as "jack rabbit sex." Such a terrible crime against the vagina, it pains me to even speak of it for fear she may go into hiding forever. There there little girl...he is long gone now.

Flavor of the evening - "Tech. special."

A shoehorn is a wonderful thing and should be included in every girl's handy bag. Not to be confused with their "hand bag," handy bag includes an array of fun gadgets used for human consumption and pleasure.

Every girl dreams of a man with a banana in his pocket when he greets her at the door. No? Well, this little girl does.